Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
