bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
