Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
