Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
