U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize