Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
