Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
