i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
