so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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