your parents love me but you hate me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
