he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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