So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
