so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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