Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize