Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
