It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
