I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
