last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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