Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
