Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Text me some of your sweat
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