We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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