My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
