My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
