I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize