i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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