can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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