So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize