just come out here and I will go home with you...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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