Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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