We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
