We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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