I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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