just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
