So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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