tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
