It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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