There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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