TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
