My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
