I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
