it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
