The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i now understand why vodka
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
