Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
