you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
