He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
