He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
