Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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