I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
