I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
