you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
