Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
