He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
