take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
