he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
