omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
