You can't special order awesome
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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