Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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