Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
