im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
