He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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