Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Me too!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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