history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
