she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
